Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
