I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize