clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
