I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
