some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
