Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
