dude i'm inner monologue high
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
