Buhtt sex?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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