No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
