You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
