it wasn't lemon gatorade
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
