when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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