Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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