Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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