I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Randomize
