There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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