Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
