I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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