is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
