Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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