Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
