You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
