Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
