I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
