Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
