I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i think my cat just said my name.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
