and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
