A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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