There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
