Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
