I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
