I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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