We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize