i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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