she was so not down for the gang bang
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
