I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
