My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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