We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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