Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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