Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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