I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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