Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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