What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
