Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
