So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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