She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
