We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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