I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
