Umm I'm too high to move.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
