well I can't set my house on fire every night
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
