are you so shy because you have an std?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
there is glitter all over my balls
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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