If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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