Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My nipple is on Facebook.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
