I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Can you bring me the toilet please
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
