I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
