Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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