Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
