Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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