I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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