The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
