just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just want to make out with him forever
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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