As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize