"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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